You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
