Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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