...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
