we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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