I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
