STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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