i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
