3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
