i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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