As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
