all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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