Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
