He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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