this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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