Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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