She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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