listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
