Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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