i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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