we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
