so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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