did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
