I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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