How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
