just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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