so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im holly from the hills drunk
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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