I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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