This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Bring me that man meat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
