Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
