Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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