Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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