Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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