yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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