Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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