Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
