You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
