Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dignity is for republicans.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
