I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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