I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
