you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
