I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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