Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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