i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
