A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
