I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
