Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
