Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i drank out of a bidet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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