my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
