Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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