and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
