went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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