Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
