About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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