I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
