Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
