I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
