ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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