I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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