when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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