2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude