Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's so Britney 2007, you know?