I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work