Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.