Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.