I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven