Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
