Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
