you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
