I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
