He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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