drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize