I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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