y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
