when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
